i have been painting an awful lot lately and it has really been good for my nerves but when i am not painting i am seriously stressing over money.  why does it have to be so expensive to live in this city, seriously? i love, love, love living here but it seriously has really taken a tole on my wallet...I am desperately searching for jobs, but with no luck. hopefully i can sell some artwork soon or something. my bank account is overdrawn, im hungry, im poor, someone help! haha no im not that bad off yet, but who knows how i will be in a few weeks if i dont find a job or come across some money. it sucks being grown up. sometimes i just think that maybe after my lease is up here in charleston i should move back home and take a break and try to regroup and pay off all of my credit card debt and get my head above water, but then again, im scared that if i go back home i may never leave.  This whole experience of going to college and moving away from home has surely been an eye opening one to say the least.  I really did think i had my shit together in high school, but moving here has been a big reality check and and big slap in the face of realization that i am not an adult. im still only 18 years old.  i have so much ahead of me.  I worry too much about trying to keep up with people who are not on the same financial level as me.  everyone i meet here is filthy rich just throwing their parents money around, and i envy that so much. this may be why i have had so much trouble handling my money because i think that when i have $100 i can go out to eat and go buy a new shirt and do whatever i want and then when the $100 is spent, i realize 'oh fuck what am i going to do for the next two weeks without any money...' i am seriously forcing myself to say no, and i am trying to distance myself from the people who influence me to throw my money away, i cant have negative influences like that, i think food is more important than buying clothes, but that american apparel dress is way cuter than a weeks worth of groceries... :[ im hoping that once i go home this weekend i will have a good time, and possibly that my grandmother or mother could lend me some money to last me a week or two longer...i know once i do get a job, things will look up and i will be able to support myself no sweat, but until then...i will be poor. . . .